Tue, 08 Mar 2005

You might have read that U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow has floated Bono as a possible candidate for the next president of the World Bank. It’s probably just a cheap attempt by Snow to swipe a little of Bono’s fame in order to get his own name in the papers. Or maybe the White House is trying to add a little pizzazz to a dull process that will inevitably end in the appointment of a graying academic, economist, or financier – i.e., someone “qualified” – to the post. Or who knows, maybe we should take the idea seriously.

Either way, I was inspired to vomit forth the following…


When Bono was President of the World Bank,
The King of the Marmeluks grinned in his lair.
He gathered the High Priests together to thank
Them all for their service, and offered a prayer
To the gods Ashtaroth and Belial and Baal,
Then summoned his Grand Vizier into the hall,
Took hold of his top-knot, and gave it a yank–
When Bono was President of the World Bank.

“The time has arrived,” said the King. “To attack!
“We’ll pour o’er the border in phalanx well-girded
And strike; and they’ll be too surprised to fight back;
They won’t see it coming; their thoughts are diverted
By movie-star weddings and must-see TV…”
He cackled and kicked the Vizier in the knee.
“Their minds,” he said, “must be sufficiently blank–
They’ve made Bono President of the World Bank!”

Meanwhile we perused, in our quiet domain,
The hottest headlines in the Daily Gazette:
J-Lo had a baby named Apple Scout Rain,
Kid Rock and The Rock sang a poignant duet,
Pope Marky Mark canonised Saint Buddy Holly,
And Britney Spears married Boutros Boutros-Ghali,
Brad Pitt made a movie – and, oddly, it stank–
And Bono was President of the World Bank.

But now our tranquility died with a crack,
As the Hollywood sky split from sun to horizon,
And out of this fissure of infinite black
The Marmeluks thundered like stampeding bison.
They swarmed through the glittering city of fun,
And made Brad Pitt dance at the point of a gun,
And viciously ridiculed Hillary Swank–
When Bono was President of the World Bank.

The Marmeluks drove all in chaos before ’em.
They killed famous people on sight – how they hated ’em!
They sliced off celebrities’ faces, and wore ’em
On top of their own faces – and imitated ’em.
They cheered for the Lakers, and sat near the floor
Where the cameras would spot them; embraced Michael Moore;
They even made movies – not ALL of them stank–
When Bono was President of the World Bank.

And who could’ve saved Hollywood from this fate?
If Governor Schwarzeneggar had been free,
He, all by himself, might have rescued the state…
But alas, he was off filming “Predator 3”.
And as Marmeluks multiplied, week after week,
That movie-star glamour soon lost its mystique,
And the West Coast economy went into the tank–
BUT…Bono was President of the World Bank!

The King of the Marmeluks bowed at the knee,
As Bono sat there looking quite rock-star-esque,
In black leather jacket and form-fitting tee,
His feet resting on his mahogany desk.
“Dear President Bono, we’re coming to grief,”
Said the simpering King. “We request debt relief.”
And Bono leaned back, rather pleased with his rank–
It’s good to be President of the World Bank.

Did you read yesterday in the Daily Gazette?
Look here – it says the World Bank has agreed
To wipe out the whole Marmelukkian debt…
And Marmeluk Martha has finally been freed…
And Marmeluk Brad and Jen got in a fight…
And Marmeluk Britney got wasted last night…
It’s all back to normal – and who should we thank?
Why, Bono, the President of the World Bank!


0 Responses to “Bono, President of the World Bank.”

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